101 Ways to Annoy Edward Cullen
by Kiiimberly
Summary: How to annoy Edward Cullen.


Disclaimer: Obviously, I do not own Twilight and never will.

Read and review please!

1. Call him Ed, Eddie, or Eddy.

2. Ask him if he really burns in the sunlight and sleeps in a coffin.

3. Give yourself a paper cut and shove it under his nose.

4. Break all his CDs (and frame Jacob).

5. Destroy his precious piano (preferably with Bella's truck).

6. Ask him where he bought his fangs and if he could get you a pair.

7. Tell him he has awful skin color and needs to visit a tanning salon.

8. Get your hands all over his hair (and body).

9. Tie Bella to a tree in La Push.

10. Ask him why he's still alive even though he died in Harry Potter.

11. Visit the blood bank. Bring him along.

12. Give yourself a nose bleed. Do it in front of Bella.

13. Give his car a free paint job. Do it in pink.

14. Ask him if he wants to suck your blood (don't forget to offer him your neck).

15. Stalk him.

16. Stalk Bella.

17. Cut in front of him and drive slow.

18. Sprinkle glitter on him at every possible moment.

19. Accuse him of being a werewolf.

20. Bring Tanya over to visit.

21. Invite the Volturi (especially Jane) to Forks, Washington.

22. Tell him you know something important about Bella. Then, mentally sing an annoying song all day long.

23. Try to stake him with a #2 pencil.

24. Pinch his cheeks and ask why it's not working. Pinch harder.

25. Tell Charlie about his questionable nighttime activities.

26. Bite him (or even better, ask him to bite you).

27. Leave Bella on a deserted island.

28. Push him into the sunlight and ask why he isn't burning in agony.

29. Shout really loudly in your head (credit goes to ItsaTay).

30. Give him a stuffed mountain lion.

31. Say hello then run away screaming hysterically.

32. Accuse him of taking drugs (he does have a lot of mood swings around Bella…).

33. Ask why Bella's ring is for sale on Amazon for $50.00.

34. Make him eat human food.

35. Invite the Volturi to his wedding.

36. Invite Jacob and his pack to the wedding.

37. Give him truckload of pillows for his birthday. After all, he does seem to enjoy biting them…

38. Show him the Twilight Saga. Tell him Bella leaves him for Jacob.

39. Tell him he'll die in Breaking Dawn. A flying ice cream truck will land on him and spontaneously combust.

40. Tell him Jacob is way cooler than he is.

41. Ask if he has anything better to do at night other than watching Bella sleep.

42. When he goes to Alaska with Bella, give him a complimentary heater (and Jacob).

43. Buy him a coffin to sleep in.

44. Give him a pet bat. Name it Edward II.

45. Give him another pet bat so they can create an "Edward" dynasty.

46. Take Bella cliff diving.

47. Push Bella off the cliff. Walk away.

48. Tell Tanya that Edward actually has loved her for years.

49. Follow Bella around school with a portable fan. Make sure to focus on her hair.

50. Ask if he really is a vampire. Give him a copy of "Vampire for Dummies."

50. Give him an annual pass to the local zoo.

51. Collaborate with Emmett. Plan the bachelor party.

52. Tell everyone his cell phone number.

53. Tell everyone his home address. Include directions.

54. Sprinkle holy water on his hair.

55. Call him "Bat Boy" or "Bat Man."

56. Trip Bellla.

57. Push Bella down the stairs.

58. Tell him his meadow isn't a secret anymore.

59. Charge admission to Isle Esme.

60. Reveal that girls have cardboard cut-outs of him and Bella. Scary isn't it? :o

61. Tell him Bella Lullaby sucks.

62. Tell him Bella's bracelet can be bought for $20.00 on Amazon.

63. Give him a mountain lion. Tie a bright red bow around its neck.

64. Call him a pedophile.

65. Call him gramps.

66. Shave all his hair off.

67. Laugh when it doesn't grow back.

68. Then give him a wig.

69. Ask how he didn't notice people filming him and Bella.

70. Tell him Jacob is better for Bella.

71. Tell him Tanya is better than Bella.

72. Stick a bear inside his Volvo.

73. Dump ketchup on Bella.

74. Agree when Edward says everything was his fault.

75. Show him the Twilight series. Tell him everyone dies.

76. Shove garlic in his face (credit goes to Bar B. Dahl).

77. Give him tanning lotion (credit goes to Bar B. Dahl).

78. Think dirty, perverted thoughts around him (credit goes to SPANISHBUZZFTW).

79. Tell him straight guys don't sparkle.

80. Ask if Reneesme really is his biological daughter.

81. Tell him Bella loves Heathcliff more than him.

82. Throw a football in his face.

83. Throw it in Bella's face.

84. Accuse him of being emo.

85. Ask why he's so weak in New Moon.

86. Tell him Jacob has more impressive muscles.

87. Tell him Bella loves him ONLY because he's hot.

88. Tell him Jasper is smarter than him.

89. Tell him Emmett can kick his ass in video games.

90. Tell him Rosalie is a better musician.

91. Tell him Alice has a better fashion sense.

92. Tell him Bella smells better.

93. Tell him Jacob is better for Bella because he's human.

94. Basically, tell him EVERYONE is better than him.

95. Tell him Bella/Kristen Stewart's voice sounds like a guy.

96. Ask if he needs nose-plugs around Bella.

97. Ask him why he damned Bella's soul.

98. Ask who he's going to invite to his wedding. Does he even have friends?

99. Give him a vampire costume for Halloween.

100. Call him the 107-year-old virgin (credit goes to SPANISHBUZZFTW).

101. Tell him there is a list containing "101 Ways to Annoy Edward Cullen."


End file.
